I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
