Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
