I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
