I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
