so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
