I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
