You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
