Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He passed out mid-signature
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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