he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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