wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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