**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
