the day after is always just damage control
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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