I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
