I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
