The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
