would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
