It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
