normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
