Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
