somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
