Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Panties = found
Randomize
