just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
