yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm passing your future prison.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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