I CAN MOONWALK!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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