You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
