you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
