naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
