don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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