After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
