one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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