Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
