Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
