shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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