You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
