Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
