Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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