Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
