Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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