just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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