I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
