Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
