I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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