After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
