she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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