I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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