Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
