It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How external is "for external use only"?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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