Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
