His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am available for nakedness
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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