This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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