we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
