I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
