How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
