Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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