$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
