you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
