the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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