Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
